YYes the protocol for if I haven’t taken any other pictures that are deemed usable and I have something to say then I take a ‘selfie’, or three. (You’d have thought by now that I would have learned to make my eyebrows less messy in a picture, tidied for the third). I hate the word ‘selfie’, but I used my phone and I took a picture of myself so I guess that is the correct term. I did take a picture of some spilled nuts in the supermarket but it was a terrible picture… I did tut at someone’s clumsiness too.
So today it was announced that I won an award for the first picture of this project. I found out a week ago and so I have been mentally preparing myself for the release of it. I reordered this project on my website from oldest to newest as I knew that people would be looking at this series and the first few pictures are ‘the best’. I know that people who see the picture will be expecting the others in the series to be of the same standard but I stopped using my ‘proper camera’ early on as it doesn’t matter if I use my phone or that camera. Whatever I want to use is fine. There are screenshots. It’s not meant to be like my other projects. It’s more of a diary and if I was putting pressure on myself to make beautiful or interesting images then it wouldn’t exist.
So I’ve been mentally preparing myself in that way, for people to think the project is rubbish, and also for having to stand next to my work at some point. A piece that is super revealing and normally I have more time to prepare myself for having to stand next to it, or I never do as it never gets exhibited etc.
I haven’t seen any bad comments about it yet though and instead I have just been receiving a lot of nice messages, which is lovely!
I thought this would be the only thing in today’s post but no. Where I live there is a messaging group and someone posted to say that they needed to charge their phone for 30 minutes but had got locked out. Someone else had replied but they only could in a couple of hours so I thought I should be a nice neighbour and let them in. So I replied saying so and they came over. I was playing an 80s compilation album so I turned it off as I felt a bit awkward. It turned out that he was sleeping on the floor outside of his flat. I said I would let him stay, but it’s T’s birthday. He said it was fine and that he would be okay, but I felt bad so I said I would ask T though the guy said ‘no no’ though I wasn’t sure if he was trying to be polite. I was nervous about letting a stranger in my flat, but I texted T to let him know the situation. He quickly started to talk about money. How much he earned, how much things costed that he owned. He had left his luggage a hallway and I said he should go and get them as he said that items he owned were expensive. I asked him questions. He asked me none. I asked him if he wanted something to eat or drink, he said no. I sat in front of him eating my dinner. In the end I went to my computer to do work and he sat with two phones. Maybe he felt awkward so was nervously talking about himself. I get that, I do that. Or maybe he just thought I was boring. I was dressed in my usual ‘I don’t care if my clothes clash’ way and the flat was a mess. Maybe he knew we would never get along. So when his phones were charged he made a comment about ordering takeaway to outside his door and I just gave an awkward laugh and said have fun. I hope he finds someone else who he will get on better with to stay in their flat tonight. Maybe he didn’t like the look of my sofa. Yes I am worried that he will see this. Yes I am worried that this all makes me a terrible human.